Translation, please?

Am I active in the trans community?  No, I am not particularly active.  I sort of waver back and forth to minimal extents.  My “activism”, if it counts as that, currently limited to papers I write in school(and I have written quite a few), standing up for trans people if it comes up in conversation with people I know, and the small amount of internet presence that I have.

My reasons for not being especially active may or may not be great ones depending on what you believe.  I am a passive person though, I don’t particularly enjoy or attempt to participate in conflict if it is avoidable(in MOST situations).  It is immensely difficult for me to force myself out there mentally.  I also don’t seem to have a problem passing when I am out.  I want to live stealth so being especially active hurts the chances of that.  

You can judge me for it if you want; I don’t care.  I am not going to do more than I am comfortable with.  In the future I may or may not do a youtube channel, but that’s still up in the air.  I did start one, but I hid my videos, so you won’t find me.

I woke up this morning and popped my spiro pill in my mouth.  Suddenly I realized I couldn’t swallow the pill without water.  For the first time the coated surface began to dissolve.   Spiro is the worst tasting medication on the planet.  I regret my decision not to have a bottle of water on hand.

4) How did your family take it when you came out? / If you are not out, why aren’t you?

This is kind of a mixed basket, I am going to stick to those who immediate family and who I mostly deal with in my life though.  

My sister, who is incredibly awesome, took it extremely well.  She kind of looked at me like “really O.o?”, for a moment, but then she was pretty much okay with it.  She’s supportive and great now, and has even stuck up for me in a few instances.  This isn’t new though, she has always stuck up for me, even when I wouldn’t stick up for myself.  She’s 18, I’m 21.

 My youngest sister, 10, doesn’t know yet.  Neither of my parents is all that thrilled about me telling her.  I want to.  She’s asked me on two separate occasions now within the past year: “Are you a girl or a boy?”  ”Do you wish you were a girl or a boy?”  She’s not dumb, she knows, but for one reason or another both of my parents have shot my telling her in the foot.

 My Dad…he pretty much told me “Not in my house.”  Of course, then I moved all the way across the country.  That was great and I don’t regret it, but I am back in the same state as him now, just not his house.  He used my youngest sister as an excuse and told me “I want her to have a normal childhood, and that’s not normal.”  His excuse has since switched to religious ones.  I’m still on edge with this man.  I do want him to accept me though, I want him to be a part of my life, so I plan to keep trying.

My Mom took it very well initially.  She even bought me some underthings(with my money) so that I wouldn’t have to buy them myself before I started being FT.  When I first told her I could not stop from bawling my eyes out, and she looked so pitiful looking back at me like she wanted to cry to.  She told me she loved me and that she wanted me to do whatever would make me happy.  If this is what would make me happy she supports my doing it for myself.  Note: She also said she doesn’t like it.

The people I live with:

My Uncle took it pretty well too.  He was just a tiny bit shocked, he just thought I was gay before that.  So this wasn’t news.  Note: He’s very cis and rude about it some instances and pretty much always uses wrong names and pronouns despite my being FT.

My Grandma pretty much said what my Mom did, if it makes me happy, do it.  She said she still loves me.  She also said “God doesn’t make mistakes.”  Being the hopeful person that I am, I took that to mean she thought God didn’t make a mistake for me and it was going to be okay that I felt this way.  Nope.  I was wrong.  It means she wants me to be happy so she doesn’t care how I dress, but she isn’t going to bother changing the name she uses or the pronouns because it’s unnatural. 

boxofinfinity asked: Why you so full of amazing? <3

But…I’m not though D=

No, you. =) 

(Source: neckstime)

All. The. Time.  My family has no respect for my identity, I don’t think it occurs to them that at some point it could become a valid safety risk for me if the wrong people are around.  Of course, that’s ignoring the fact that it is really just downright hurtful to be referred to as something you aren’t.  Being outed sucks. Period.

My final name choice comes to me through parts of my past and people I admire.  I finally ended with Kimberleigh.  This is a homage to a good friend of mine that I miss dearly.  The alternate spelling is to differentiate the two of us, but to still pay the same respect to her.  In a sense I also thought it looked a littler classier than the standard Kimberly on paper.

My middle name and last name choice I won’t list here, but I will touch on why I chose them anyway.  The middle name I chose because of a woman in my family I grew up looking up to.  She was always so strong in my eyes and from the perspective of me as a child, I didn’t think anyone would dare stand in her way.  I can only hope to have that kind of confidence someday.  My last name is so that I can still stay connected to my family in a sense, it isn’t my birth last name, but it is just as important to me.

There were not too many names I toyed with before coming to the above, but Emma was one that had caught my eye.  It means something along the lines of “entire, universal.”  In the end I decided it didn’t apply to me and simply didn’t suit me as well.  If I had chosen this name though I would have used a different family name than I chose.  And it sounded pretty cool together actually. =) 

Umm….well, the concept was always in my head to some degree, even as a child.  I definitely went through a period of denial.   I didn’t want anything to do with “girlie” things.  I failed quite miserably, everyone just ended up thinking I was gay anyway.  The term transgender itself though hit me when I was eighteen.  I was talking to some friends and they mentioned it.  At this point I was ready to accept it, no longer in denial and a I heard about it from someone I knew.  I immediately went to researching anything and everything I possibly could on the subject matter to be sure.  So yea, here I am three years later. =D 

in-the-eyes-of-a-young-girl:

29 Day Challenge for Transpeople

1) When did you realize the term transgender referred to you?

2) How did you choose your name, and what names were you thinking about using and why?

3) Have you ever been outed?

4) How did your family take it when you came out? / If you are not out, why aren’t you?

5) Are you active in the trans community or LGBT community?

6) Who was the first person you told about being trans?

7) Who do you look up to?

8) How do you deal with being read mis-genderd in the beginning of transitioning by people?

9) What is something positive about being trans?

10) What are some of your fears in regards to being trans?

11) How do you manage dysphoria?

12) What are you doing to stay healthy for transitioning mentally and physically?

13) Bathrooms

14) What are some of your passing tips or things you do to pass?

15) How have you embraced your trans identity?

16) What’s your rock anthem and why?

17) What’s your binding choice and why?

18) How do you feel about the trans laws where you live?

19) If your religious how do your views effect being trans? If your not religious what about your family religions?

20) Do you want to be a parent, why or why not?

21) Your views on the cis-gendered community?

22) Do you feel being trans holds you back from your career choice?

23) What stereotypes are put on trans people?

24) Who is your favorite LGBT actor/musician/director/artist etc and why?

25) Doctor visits

26) Do you feel comfortable answering questions about being trans if say your teacher/friend/stranger asked you?

27) What goals do you have?

28) What is something you have to do everyday or else you feel like your whole day is off if you don’t do it?

29) Write out something positive about yourself using the letters of your name. Ex. Your name is Bob so B-Beautiful O-Outstanding B-Boy

30) Write a haiku about being trans

I thought I might try this.  And honestly, I might quit half way through because I always fail at these challenges. I will try though =)

Except number 30.  I honestly do not like haikus at all.  I’ll start tomorrow on day one…or later if I feel like it after my history test